I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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