i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
