i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
