Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Randomize
