just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
