your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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