Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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