I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
