Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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