I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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