this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
