The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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