dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
