I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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