If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
