I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
