playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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