It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
