Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so let's talk penis.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
