1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
