20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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