Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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