You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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