That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
