my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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