yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize