I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
