yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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