I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's official drugs can't kill me
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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