Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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