You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
