i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
