i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
