im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
