Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
