I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
