that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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