I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
