I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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