i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
