I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
People in love make me want to vomit
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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