JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize