as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize