So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
