Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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