They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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