went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
