why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
