apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
