Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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