thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize