i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
