u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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