dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
