So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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