No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
