I can text with my tongue
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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