Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
