I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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