she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
