hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Green mimosas i think yes
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
