The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
