Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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