I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
