the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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