that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
