If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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