Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Mom said you looked used
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
