i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
