I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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