i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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