I need help removing her.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
