It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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