The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
