hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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