We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Randomize
