Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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