I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
