Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
